Just What I Needed

Today we spent several hours with friends at a bbq. It was a good day. It was just what I needed because yesterday was a crappy day.

Yesterday was the culmination of a bunch of frustrating things that come along with life after a spinal cord injury.

I started off yesterday morning by re-organizing my "to do" list. Every so often I have to start over completely with my list because priorities change, things drop off, etc. But lately I've been keeping my list going in my head. It had gotten to the point that too much was piling up in my brain causing some to spill over into the land of "Gah! I forgot to do that!" So I got a pen and started writing.

By the time I finished and looked over my list, I let out a sound that was somewhere between a whimper and gag of disgust. How did this list get so long? How could I possibly get through all this? When am I going to get time to do all this? It was only 7:30 am, and I was already feeling overwhelmed.

The time factor is a big one for me. I work 40 hours a week during standard business hours. And the stuff on my to do list often requires that I contact other business that also operate during standard business hours. You can see my predicament.

This means as much as I would like to take on several of the items on my list per day, I just can't.

And so the list grows.

I decided to tackle an item requiring me to contact a government agency. My frustration was already revving up. I had called a couple days before, so I knew which buttons to push to get me into the proper queue. I was pleasantly surprised when the automated system told me I could leave my callback number rather than stay on hold, and someone would call ME back in 30-45 minutes. Sweet. I punched in my number, hung up, and waited for my call.

My phone rang.

"Hello?"
[Silence]
"Hello??"
[Silence]
CLICK

The automated callback system HUNG UP ON ME.

Head in hands - close to tears.

The phone rang again ten minutes later.

"Hello???"
[Silence]
"Is anyone there? Can you hear me?"
[Silence]
CLICK

"CRAP!" (Please note that what I actually said was much worse than this).

After more cursing and some stomping around, I decided to move to the next item on the list ... and the next.

Each item was met with more frustrations. Incompetent, unresponsive people (how do these people keep their jobs? Seriously?). The silver lining on my list was provided by a very nice customer service rep who was able to process several refills for Jeff's medications, though she wasn't able to help me with figuring out why half of Jeff's medicine comes to us via mail, and the other half I have to pick up at the CVS down the street.

Well, at least I was able to cross one thing off.

Yesterday was a clerical nightmare. Looked at individually, the items aren't big things. But when they add up, and when I can't seem to make a dent in my list, I feel unproductive and defeated.

I went to bed last night feeling frustrated - about how this injury has upended our life - about all the sh** I have to handle on a daily basis in order for us to have a relatively smooth existence - about how some days it's all just too much to deal with.

Luckily my pity party didn't survive the night and my frustrations melted away today with a well-timed bbq with some great people. We met up with the families who were all at the beach with us the day of Jeff's accident - plus another family we hadn't seen in a long time.

Despite the obvious difference from the last time we were all together, it was a pretty normal day. And that's what we need right now - to feel normal. Especially Jeff. He loved hanging out with his friends. Talking, being goofy, laughing. He wasn't able to do that for so, so long, and it feels good to get back in the game.

Here's some pics from our afternoon:

Bros

Kiddos

Sweeties

Besties

Loveys

After we got home, Jeff and I joked about yet another "flawless victory." That's what we call an outing/scenario that we pull off which ends with everyone safe and happy and provides a feeling of accomplishment.

It was a good reminder for me that I don't need to be bullied by my "to do" list. 

I didn't do a thing on it today, and I don't plan on even looking at it tomorrow.

BBQ Queen

This weekend was kind of a big deal. Yesterday I barbecued for the first time.

Ever.

In my life.

For those of you who aren't aware of the culinary situation at the Sachs house, I can sum it up pretty quickly: before the accident, Jeff was the cook.

Of course I made food as well, but it was nothing compared to what Jeff would prepare. When explaining our cooking roles to people, my standard statement was: "I make food that keeps my family alive. Jeff makes food that we actually like to eat."

Jeff used to love to cook. Loved being in the kitchen. He loved making a menu, going to the store, spending time in the kitchen preparing it, and of course, savoring every bite. And he was so good at all these things.

Me, not so much. I have no patience when it comes to the grocery store. No imagination when it comes to "whipping up a meal," and very little confidence in actually preparing a meal. I'm a wreck in the kitchen. I am always in awe of people who invite guests over for a get together, and simultaneously create a masterful dinner, engage in conversation, and keep tabs on the kids. If I tried that, it would end up with me shooing everyone into another room and snapping at anyone who tried to talk to me. "Can't you see I'm trying to cook in here!"

The kitchen and I just don't go together.

I knew pretty early after Jeff's injury that I would need to step up my game in the kitchen. Jeff and I talked about how we would have to start cooking together from now on. My good friend and I joked that I could star in a cooking/comedy show and she came up with two very enticing titles: Cooking? with Kristen and Throwing the Spatula. Creative and accurate.

Until now, I've been getting by by making my standard "keep the family alive" meals. These have, thankfully, been supplemented by meals from more culinary-savvy folks like my mom, family when they come visit, and some foodie friends.

But when I was in Costco last week and saw Jeff's favorite Santa Maria Tri Tip, I knew I had to get it and make it for him. He was so excited and couldn't wait to make it together. Yesterday was the day.

Here we are with the BBQ.

Photo courtesy of Evie.

We started with grilling 101. He had to talk me through everything.

Turn the knob counterclockwise on the propane tank.

Turn on the left burner . . .

You get the idea. He was very clear and patient with his instructions.

Once the BBQ was nice and hot, it was time to put the tri tip on the grill. I was scared to death I would drop it (that sucker was heavy!) and thus ruin dinner.

The meat made it onto the grill with no problems.

Whew. So far so good.

Cheers for getting this far.

Then it was time to turn the meat. More panic about the flip.

Success.

I was so proud I didn't botch the flip. 

Jeff was yelling in the background, "Close the lid!!"

Lastly, it was time to take the meat off and check it for doneness.

Perfection.

Here we are enjoying our meal.

Grilling meat is certainly no great feat - millions of people do it every day. But I'd never done it before, so it was a big deal at our house. Before the accident, Jeff and I had a great division of duties, as many relationships do. Barbecuing was his thing. He loved doing it, and I loved not doing it.

But things are different now. And yesterday we found a way to work as a team to get the job done. We were happy campers after eating our yummy dinner.

Jeff was so proud of me.

I was proud of me too.

Mostly for not dropping it.