Learning to Be Grateful

Being grateful in the face of adversity is no easy feat.

As 2017 comes to a close, I look back on this year and the many challenges it presented to us.

In truth, it was a tough one.

Jeff had three surgeries this year, which meant spending more time in the hospital that we would have liked. The toughest one to bear was his gallbladder surgery in May. We spent 8 days in the hospital - 5 of those days were filled with advocating, educating, and pushing hard for doctors to find the source of Jeff's pain. His surgery was on our daughter's 8th birthday. We were still in the hospital for her party that we had planned for months.

And even now, 7 months post surgery, he is still having residual stomach issues. It's something we deal with daily.

It's like another scoop of slop has been slapped onto our already overflowing plate.

And yet as I look back over this difficult year, I am finding things to be grateful for.

They're there - hidden amongst the muck. They're stained with tears and soiled with heartache. But I think that coating is what makes them the rare gems they are.

I am grateful for the deep, strong bond this injury has forged between my husband and me. We have gone through the darkest days of our life - we are still in them at times - and together we trudge forward.

I am grateful for the resiliency this injury has revealed in both my husband and myself. Jeff's patience is tried every single day. And he amazes me with his calm, logical approach to overcoming daily obstacles. I have developed both physical and mental skills that I never knew I could master. We treat every obstacle as a learning experience. And for that, I am grateful.

I could go on, but I don't want to paint a false picture. This life has also brought out the worst at times - especially in me.

My temper now resides at just below the boiling point. One extra issue - even a minor one - can throw me right over the edge.

My expectations of the able-bodied public - friends, family, and myself included - are extraordinarily high. Because when you live with someone who can't move any part of their body, you expect more of the people who can.

And my nerves are riddled with anxiety. Having already experienced a life-changing trauma, I worry that something else bad - something even worse - is lurking in the shadows.

And yet for all of the negatives, the positives still find a way to make themselves seen.

Though I had to make the choice three years ago to give up my full-time career (including immediate and future income and health benefits), I am grateful for the time I get to spend with my husband. And I'm grateful that we get to be home each day our daughter comes in the door from school.

Though my conveyor belt of responsibility is constantly pushing forward, I've discovered that I am good at multitasking. That I thrive best when I'm busy. That being productive is a positive force in my life.

And though this injury has been absolutely devastating for us, I am grateful for the opportunity to face adversity head on and rebuild a new life together.

Let me be crystal clear on this point, however: I am NOT grateful for my husband's injury. His daily pain combined with my overfull schedule of tasks I must complete to keep him healthy and keep our household running are overwhelming at best and suffocating at worst.

The fact that together we've managed to find a way to get through each day is what I'm grateful for.

And on those hard, suffocating days - even through the years where there were more tears than smiles - I will take a cue from a fellow quad wife who recently wrote this: "I will remember that good things can come from terrible injuries."

Happy New Year everyone!